Just because... Cat snatches confidential documents

I saw this today. I spent a solid 10 minutes watching the final 8 seconds over and over...and over. Because apparently I'm 12 years old again.

I want a cat. Not to do this though. If my cat ever snatched my print outs like that, I'd throw it out of a window.

Gaming journal: Bioshock infinite | 03. In love with a girl named Elizabeth

Back when we saw those Bioshock Infinite trailers of Elizabeth running around with her titties heaved out in a corset, opening open portals to the 80's and using telekinesis to bring together a ball of plates and pottery, we all had a bit of a soft spot for Elizabeth. But once you get to play Bioshock Infinite, you may fall in love with her and become obsessed with finding out just what the deal is with her, her mysterious powers and her finger.

J in Japan III: I went to the AKB48 theatre. I wanted to kill myself.

We'd been in Akihabara for about an hour. Having mustered all of the racist maid girls (they don't talk to you if you don't look like a local), cheap electronics and men shouting from megaphones that we can take for the night. Back on the main road, our thoughts of what to do next were curbed by: it beginning to rain, one of our friends desperately needing to smoke a fag (smoke a fag - British verb. To smoke a cigarette. Not 'kill a gay') and 2 of us needing to drop a number ni in a toilet. So we decided to head to the Taito game station arcade down the street.

As we walked down the street one of the guys began to pick up his pace and was a considerable way ahead of the rest of us. As I turn to look behind me I realize I too have paced quite a way ahead of the rest of the guys, so I begin to slow down so that they don't lose sight of me and then point towards the doorway of the arcade that one of my friends (who I shall refer to by his Twitter user name Tenchi Muyo) has sauntered into. It's not a Taito game station, but it is a multi storey arcade which will surely have a smoking area, some toilets and provide shelter from the rain - so all we go in. No questions asked.

As we make our way up the escalators, pictures of AKB48 line the walls. I won't go into who exactly AKB48 are, but just know that they are:

• Talentless bitches.
• Have an excess of members who they rotate, bring in and chuck out with regularity.
• Are ridiculously popular in Japan and originate from Akihabara. Hence the 'AKB'. 

I can't stand them. So as you could imagine, going up 6 flights of escalators and seeing their faces lining the walls filled me with much joy.

Gaming journal: Bioshock infinite | 02. Fighting the fighting

Bioshock and I are going through a rough patch at the moment. We're fighting over the fighting. Now, I'm willing to chalk part of this up to me being shit at this game. Even more so having watched this slightly spoilerific video where Adam Sessler, Jeff Gerstmann and Kevin Van Ord describe the game as easy and the combat as fun and not hectic enough. PART of this. Because I still feel the combat in this game is flawed. A few replies to frustrated 'FUCK DIS GAME AND IT'S STUPID GUN FIGHT BULLSHIT' tweets of mine in regards to this and discussions with friends siding with me on this one indicate that it isn't just me.

Bioshock's combat system is pretty run of the mill for an FPS. But Bioshock isn't like most FPS games. Enemies have powers, can jump / teleport and refuse to keep their distance. And trying to keep that distance is difficult when you are constantly running low on ammo and are unable to use your powers because your gauge is depleted (Note: Elizabeth wasn't throwing me anywhere near the amount of ammo and salts at the beginning as she did during the later portion of the game). And this isn't factoring in that the combat zones are often pretty big, multi tiered and hectic. With you often skyrailing around not able to tell your arse from your elbow, let alone where the enemies are shooting you from.

It happened to me - Tales from a men's leisure centre changing room

A buddy of mine started swimming a few months back. He used to go before work. Every morning there would be a story of some ordeal he had to endure or something he had witnessed which involved men touching themselves in the showers...and not to wash themselves. I used to laugh and always finish my LOL-session with "But what do you expect!? It's Soho!" Soho is gay. I don't mean that in the flippant, derogatory sense. I mean it in the literal sense. Soho is homo. So if you go swimming in a Soho leisure centre, you kinda have to expect for there to be some hard willies in the changing rooms and for guys to not be shy about wanting to stick it somewhere before they get dressed.

In my bid to get fit, be less of a lazy fuck and do more with my time - I started frequenting a leisure centre within my work day. I managed to find one which is near enough that I could get in a 20 - 30 minute swimming session on my lunch break and far enough from Soho that the changing rooms wouldn't become a gay porno scene. 3 days of attending this leisure centre and nothing happened.

Deciding not to swim today, because I'm fucking terrible at it - I hit the gym instead, and opt for a quick workout. 20 minutes of cycling myself to death later, I clamber off of the bike like a zombie and head to the changing rooms. I'M THE ONLY ONE HERE! Score!! I do a geeky little fist pump, stripped down and strut down to the shower area with no towel (because I be's alone and dis my crib!) and I see I'm not alone after all. No big deal. So I preceded to shower.

But then it happened.

Gaming journal: Bioshock infinite | 01. Raiding dustbins

I'd never played the original Bioshock. For all of the praise that game received and all of the wonderful things my friends had to say about it, I'd never played it. I didn't even have the slight desire to play it. I'm wary of first person games in general. The last FPS I recall playing thoroughly, enjoying and completing multiple times on various difficulties is Perfect dark. The amazing N64 version. Not that horrid overly specular shined mess released for the Xbox 360. I've not been too enamoured with any FPS which has released since. And 'Yes', that includes Call of duty and Battlefield. They may be part of your holy grail, but there aren't part of mine. I'm just not an FPS type of guy. At least not any more. I like my shit third person. A preference which has become cemented as I've gotten older.

But despite my viewpoint preferences, Bioshock Infinite caught my attention in the same way it did everybody else's when this amazing trailer from the game surfaced. As much as I loved the look of it, I knew I would never end up buying this game and would probably never play it; wishing I were the kind of person who would go out and just buy this game. But a visit to a friends house ended up with me leaving with a copy of it and now here I am. Playing Bioshock Infinite.

Being a right Phantom pain in Snake's arse

Hideo Kojima cries non stop about how he wishes he could make games other than Metal Gear Solid, but he loves it really. The day he has nothing to do with the series is the day he dies. And even then the man will reach out from beyond the grave to produce and direct an MGS game.

I loved Snake eater and love what I've played of Peace walker so far, so I'm A-okay with stepping back into the boots of Big Bowss. But I can't bear to watch my homie go through it all again. My n***a has lost an eye, been scarred in the chest with a knife and now he loses an arm and goes Captain Hook on bitches?! All that's left is a foot and his penis to get the chop. Dying would be all too easy.

Ground zeroes and The Phantom pain will both make up Metal Gear Solid V. Final Fantasy XIII taking multiple games to make up one story has left a taste in my mouth so sour that Listerine can't clear it. Konami and Square Enix are 2 different kettles of fish and Hideo is such a bloody perfectionist that he wouldn't dare let a game of his release in any of the broken, hot mess forms that Square allowed Final Fantasy XIII and XIII-2 to release in. But I am concerned that the development team will be spread too thinly across both games. Or perhaps this is all an elaborate plan to allow at least one team to develop a game with less of his involvement than the other, so he can groom his successors to take on the franchise. Something he has always expressed wanting to do. Hmmm... *strokes chin*

Metal Gear Solid V will look amazing, sound amazing and be a top to bottom technical display of what the PlayStation 4 is capable of. The game will rock. It will make lots of other games look like flops. And if it fails all of the above, the reason will be...nanomachines.

J in Japan III: Frozen in time

At this point it had only been 6 months since I last visited Japan. I had been going through pictures and writing up my experience of that trip within that time and reminiscing over how I wish I were still here, so much of the trip was still fresh in my mind. The airport, the subway lines, how you stand on right-hand side of the escalator in Osaka and on the left in Tokyo; it was all still there as vivid as daylight - so I made no point of making any comment on it and coming off as the know-it-all who is then blamed for making everybody buy the wrong train ticket or wait on the wrong platform.

But once one of my friends (who I'd flown to Japan with for the first time back in 2008) said 'It's strange. Everything is so familiar. It feels like I'd never left' I asked myself. Was it really the sort time between my last visit to Japan which bred the familiarity or is there just something about Japan? And as I stood staring vacantly on the downward escalator at Narita airport I'd realised something: Japan...hasn't really changed at all. Not just within the past 6 months, but the past 6 years. It's all the same.

Back to Japan

Despite not getting around to posting the exploits of my second trip to Japan, I am now about to embark on my third. Please excuse the lack of caps lock and exclamation marks. I'm fucking tired as hell. Somewhere deep down inside this husk of a body of mine lies happiness that I get to spend 2 weeks away from work and out of the country in a place I find really really cool. But I'm dead inside right now. Pulling 14 hour days at work for the past 2 weeks have left me dead inside. This tiredness is REAL yo'. I just hope I wake up in time to get to the airport and catch my flight. My body is ready...for a coma.

I won't be posting for 2 weeks (so business as usual. I know all 1 of my faithful blog creepers are used to my not posting forever), but you can follow me on Twitter. WiFi is a bitch to access in Japan if you don't have a Japanese SIM card or handset, so I won't be tweeting as frequently as I would if I were here. But any moment I'm able to catch some WiFi, I'mma tweet so much shit about everything. I was suffering from Instagram and Twitter withdrawals the last time I visited Japan. WHAT HAVE OUR LIVES BECOME WITH THE DEPENDENCIES ON INTERNETZ?!

A VGM remix of mine: Streets of rage 2 - Back to the industry

The Streets of rage II soundtrack is fucking awesome. I will slap, beat down, run over anybody in Ryo Hazuki’s forklift truck who tells me otherwise.

The Streets of rage II / Bare knuckle II soundtrack features many stand-out / classic pieces (the whole damn soundtrack is a stand-out classic) but I always had a soft spot for “Back to the industry” because it felt more melodic and like a ‘theme’ in comparison to everything else which was steeped in dance / house anthems for Blaze to squat in her red skirt and pop her pussy to.

So here’s my homage to it. For all of my pimps, playa's and hoes who like ninjas, men in motorcycle helmets who throw grenades and giant conveyor belts.

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